Navi's Notes

      Dreams have always fascinated me, my own and as an area of study in psychology. Dreams can be both a communication from our subconscious as well as a distraction from it. My own have always been very complex and imaginative. When I do have dreams, they are often in full color and sharp images. Scenes will often change from one thing to the next unless my sleep is interrupted. Usually I know when I'm dreaming (if I remember it), because one or more things seem outlandish and the people are ones I haven't spoken to in years or people in my everyday life. Though my more noteworthy and remembered dreams are usually fantastical and whimsical, thus allowing them to be easily discerned from reality, over the past few years that's slowly begun to change.       Of course we’re all familiar with dreams concerning our work, I'm definitely no stranger to it, however those particular dreams have never been an issue until recently. I remember the first time I had an overly viv

     You know that feeling at the edge of your vision? The one that sparks your instinct to look in one direction in case there is danger. Or when it’s dark and a simple shape turns into something more mysterious. Most might say it’s nerves, anxiousness, or paranoia. Maybe it’s the receptors in our brains telling us to be more aware of our surroundings. It’s certainly a reflex that some have controlled better than others. Ignorance is bliss but it pays to be aware.     Paranoia gives you that feeling often, and whether it’s helpful or not depends on the level of danger in your life at any given time. Do you walk alone at night from work? Take the subways by yourself at odd times? Maybe you're surrounded by violently unstable individuals in your life? Whatever the situation, you can never be too cautious, and one day it might save your life.      Although even if one minimizes the amount of uncontrollable variables, if you work or live near other people then you'll a

     We've all felt alone at some point. Whether left to deal with our problems on our own or simply not feeling understood, it's something almost everyone can relate to and empathize with. Despite that, we handle our social relationships very differently. Our neighbors have circles of gossip and our parents have poker friends. However, notice the coworker who sits by themselves during break and never prompts eye contact. They give pleasantries but never stay for small talk, off to do their job and mind their own. This might be someone who is alone, but that doesn't necessarily mean they’re lonely. We don't know what goes on in the lives of everyone around us, yet we make our judgements. We may naturally pity those who have few or no relationships, despite not knowing their situations. Some people are more comfortable with themselves for company than anyone else.      Being misunderstood can be a big part of childhood and adolescence. It can feel better to s

      I have just too many thoughts all the time and all at once. Physical journals worked for a time but eventually they end up with skipped pages and ideas scattered around. Some things get written down in the notes on my phone but it feels as if I'm dumping myself into an abyss to never be touched or looked at again. Now, sure, some of these thoughts I would like to forget but a lot of them I wish I had kept a better hold of. Maybe I just need better organization. Regardless now I'm here and opening my brain with a lumberjack's precision. What comes out will be neither clean nor sensible.      Most of my life is lived inside my mind and in the safe and comfortable spaces I've created there. As I typed that, I laughed at myself a bit because I don't find my mind that safe or comfortable at all actually. Most of the turmoil I go through comes from my own thoughts and self-expectations. I am my own worst enemy. But maybe putting my thoughts out there and letting ot